Saturday, November 28, 2015

one more month till the year ends

Every single time when I'm home alone, I have so much to express, so much to jot down, so much to share. I don't even know where to start.

Dad's out of town and is currently enjoying his trip in Italy which I'm so glad of.
He has been working tirelessly for the past 11 months, taking care of popo especially so I really hope he does find his moment of solitude and peace.

Just finished working a bunch of stuff with my folks on a Friday night, and I've never felt happier.
Had burgerlab, drank some beer, while camping at my place with our laptops with bieber's new album playing on the background. What else could I be asking for? :)

Can't help but to reflect how much has changed since popo has left us.
Can't help but to think what has happened along the year, along these 11 months.
Can't help but to ponder about whats next.

This year I took up bold challenges and made ridiculously scary decisions;
I made a choice to cut out all that nonsense although that means hurting myself in the short term - by leaving someone who's once so dear to my heart;
At this very same year, I lost the love of my life, the one person which I love the most;
I'm challenged, defeated in so many way I can't even.

So damn much has happened along the year and I just can't be grateful enough for everything every single one incident that took placed - it made my a better person mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  Everything made me stronger, tougher, wiser and happier :) 

Spiritually so refreshed, so recharged, there's so much on my plate so much that I want to do and I just can't wait to see how God is going to lead me along the way.

December is going to be an eventful month and I can't wait to see where this is going to bring me.
In less than a month, we are gonna kiss 2015 goodbye, let's make the best out of this beautiful month, shall we?


Sunday, November 15, 2015

Till we meet again, My Love; My Dearest Popo.

It's 10.15PM on a Saturday night and here I am, alone, sitting in the living room wanting to complete my beauty post initially but can't help to notice how much has changed since my previous blogpost.

The previous blog entry was written on the 15th Oct talking about popo, how ironic - it's been a month as today is 14th of Nov and Popo has actually left us on the October 17th, just two days after I published that blogpost.

Isn't it funny how I just had that urgency to finish that blogpost two days ago before she passed? As though I already felt it, or saw it coming...

It was 17th October when it happened.
I remember I was having Korean BBQ, drinking Soju and beer with both Tziaaa and Karen and I received just a whatsapp text from my dad..

I was so mad and devastated at that point of time because I thought to myself, how can my dad just drop me a text via whatsapp?!! But after that I figured out he was crying non-stop while our family was at the hospital so I don't blame him.. I'm sure my dad is 100 times more upset than I am :'( 

I was at Korea while my popo passed and I remember crying out to God so loud, asking Him why didn't He let popo wait for me? Why did He brought her back when I'm not around?  Thankful to Tziaaa and Karen for being there for me when I got the news :') 

I purposely bought this LED flowers from Dong Dae Mun, Korea for you,
hope you love it, popo. 

So many pictures were taken at home while both Popo and I are sitted at this sofa - 

I miss you so much Popo, now the sofa is empty (refer to the right pic)
Look at that tissue box, it was always placed there for Popo to use :') 

Everything is still here as it is.

I'm looking at these items as I typed this blogpost.
I know my wound will take months or years to heal, I know I don't want to fully accept the fact that popo is gone; hence the packed schedule and making sure I'm always surrounded with people so that I don't have to be physically alone... But I am now :') And I really miss spending Saturday nights with her - just the both of us. 

I rushed back from Korea to the funeral place at Nirvana.

Popo was so peaceful, so beautiful.
We knew Popo has no "pantang" or so hence we were all taking pictures as it is, singing songs and hymns to her :)

Didn't expect to receive these from my loves.
Very very grateful to be surrounded by people who truly cares.
Thank you so much, all of you. 

Never once in my life has I done this - 
This was really the first time sending someone off, and that person is my dearest popo. 

I actually took a lot of pictures here but I think it's not appropriate to share up here on my blog so this will do. 

Popo is so amazing, even if it's her funeral agenda, she had it all planned out.
She actually chose this place - Nirvana herself, and also sorted out the payment alongside with my dad and uncle few years back :')

My popo is seriously my inspiration.  Until the end of her life, until the age of 90, she still doesn't want to disturb anyone because she believes she doesn't want to owe anyone anything.  She always tells me if she can do it, if she is still capable of doing it, she will do it. 

I'm so blessed to call this wonderful lady my popo.
I'm so privileged to grow up having her by my side.

Can you spot me? Haha I'm the one on her right, the one with the hand on her chin. 

Fast forward 20 years.
We love you so much popo.
I know you see our hearts. 
I know you acknowledged our love to you.
We miss you so bad it hurts. 

This was the last time popo actually went out with us and I'm so glad I did it.
We went SS15 for Bingsu after dinner on a Saturday night.
So glad we took a picture.
Look at that bingsu infront of her... :')

I will remember ALL the moments shared with you, Popo.

Moments when I fetched you in my car and you kept yelling at me asking me to drive slowly don't press my phone;

Moments that we shared together over a meal.
It was always a good time bringing you to hipster places like Ploy, Marutama Ramen, Thai Thai and more.. 

Moments that I forced you to layan me when I want to take picture, you always say you look ugly but yet you will look into the camera.. 

I'm so glad I insisted and was so annoying. 
Thank God I did it else I won't have these pictures.

Moments where we spent together at a book shop because daddy wants to buy books...

You would flip these cooking book and dad would ask you "Ma you can read meh?"
and you'll proudly answer, "Can see pictures mar!" 

Moments where we spent together in grocery store, Giant to be specific.. 
and you'll always smile at the camera no matter what.. 

That smile :')
I will NEVER ever forget that smile. 

One of the thing I'm thankful for doing for you Popo is I gave you this diamond ring during Valentines Day in year 2012. 

I remembered always asking you what you want and usually you'd say you prefer cash but that year don't know why you said you wanted a diamond ring because you have never had one all of your life.. I'm thankful because I had the chance to buy you one. 

I rmb telling her that I want to get her another one earlier this year but she kept saying no.
She's so contented with what she have she's such a perfect life example to me.
She doesn't have much but she's always grateful because she knows she have love from all of us.

I know Popo is rejoicing in heaven right now with Jesus and all her fellow friends.
I know Popo is in a better place as I saw the image of Popo with God flashed by my head a few times.
I know the Holy Spirit is revealing to me images of Popo as she is indeed in a better place,
a place without pain, without sorrows, without worries, without regrets.

I accepted the fact that popo has left us on earth, but I know popo is having the time of her life, eternal life up in heaven right now, and I know one day, one fine day, we will definitely meet again. 

And when that day comes, I wish and hope I will be able to tell Popo:
"Popo, I have done my best to be as loving as you, as kind as you, as sacrificial as you, as contented and grateful, and always putting others before myself, just like you," 

For now, I will keep you in my heart and miss you every moment of my life.

Till we meet again, 
my beloved dearest popo.