I know I promised a Nuffnang Awards post but please allowed me to type all these all out.
Mind you, its all my feelings and thoughts.
p/s: If you read it, read it all; vice versa.
Stoning at this white square box thinking how to express all my mixed up feelings with all my readers while listening to Avril's Innocence. No doubt, my emotions just got so messed up.
No, Im not stressing about guys nor relationship.
No, Im not thinking bout my final exams, yet.
No, its not about the wonderful friends around me.
No, its not about my financial.
I.. just... miss my/the(?) family.
The family that consist of a pair of lovely couples and the love that they cant wait to show to their precious children. Before I continue, I just wanna make it clear, I'm not complaining; I know I'm indeed a lucky person that actually still have both dad and mom with me, not forgetting my younger brother and my grandma. I was just, longing for more?
I want a family potrait, very badly.
Yes, because I don't have one, not even a picture of me with my parents. All I want is just a picture that consist of all our family members, but I doubt I will ever have one, in the rest of my life.
I don't remember the feeling of hugging my dad, but I so wanna feel it. Every morning when I'm in his car on the way to college, the car is entirely silent. Its not that we don't wanna talk, its because we have nothing to talk, not a single topic. Sometimes knowing that dad is trying hard to start off a topic makes me wanna cry. The gap between me and him is just too big, and I know we will be far and further apart as days goes by. He wasn't there for us when we needed him, he know nothing about me, nothing.
I admit I was damn pissed at my dad. How could he just left us like that for another woman? It was few years back where I was just at the age of 7. At that time, I don't have the ability to make any changes; but now, I cant do nothing as well. My parents are enemies, yes enemies. I don't know what to do, I cant make any differences either.
My tears just rolled down my cheeks, I miss my family. Although I've no idea what my family was looked like before all these. I just want everyone to be happy, can?
I know my mum will be upset when her friends start telling her about my blog, saying that I'm disclosing stuffs about my family will actually harm myself because Im giving opportunity to other people as they can actually take advantage on me. I'm sorry mum(if you are reading this), I just wanna share my feelings out here. BUT NO! I'm not ashame with myself for having this kind of family, I'm proud of myself for being such a good girl, and also I wanna prove to everyone out there, girls that grown up in a broken family are not weak! We've been through so much more than the ones that had her best childhood and sufficient amount of love from the family. We are more independent, we are much much stronger.
My heart really want to continue typing but my mind is stopping me I dont know why.
Don't judge me, because you don't know about me and my family background.
I might be complicated but at the same time, I'm as simple as that.
I miss my dad, I miss my mom.
I love them more than anything else.
Thanks to those who really read this post, I appreciate it. Now you understand Adele Chow a little bit more I guess?