Friday, October 30, 2009

I want a happy family.

I know I promised a Nuffnang Awards post but please allowed me to type all these all out.
Mind you, its all my feelings and thoughts.

p/s: If you read it, read it all; vice versa.

Stoning at this white square box thinking how to express all my mixed up feelings with all my readers while listening to Avril's Innocence. No doubt, my emotions just got so messed up.

No, Im not stressing about guys nor relationship.
No, Im not thinking bout my final exams, yet.
No, its not about the wonderful friends around me.
No, its not about my financial.

I.. just... miss my/the(?) family.

The family that consist of a pair of lovely couples and the love that they cant wait to show to their precious children. Before I continue, I just wanna make it clear, I'm not complaining; I know I'm indeed a lucky person that actually still have both dad and mom with me, not forgetting my younger brother and my grandma. I was just, longing for more?

I want a family potrait, very badly.
Yes, because I don't have one, not even a picture of me with my parents. All I want is just a picture that consist of all our family members, but I doubt I will ever have one, in the rest of my life.

I don't remember the feeling of hugging my dad, but I so wanna feel it. Every morning when I'm in his car on the way to college, the car is entirely silent. Its not that we don't wanna talk, its because we have nothing to talk, not a single topic. Sometimes knowing that dad is trying hard to start off a topic makes me wanna cry. The gap between me and him is just too big, and I know we will be far and further apart as days goes by. He wasn't there for us when we needed him, he know nothing about me, nothing.

I admit I was damn pissed at my dad. How could he just left us like that for another woman? It was few years back where I was just at the age of 7. At that time, I don't have the ability to make any changes; but now, I cant do nothing as well. My parents are enemies, yes enemies. I don't know what to do, I cant make any differences either.

My tears just rolled down my cheeks, I miss my family. Although I've no idea what my family was looked like before all these. I just want everyone to be happy, can?

I know my mum will be upset when her friends start telling her about my blog, saying that I'm disclosing stuffs about my family will actually harm myself because Im giving opportunity to other people as they can actually take advantage on me. I'm sorry mum(if you are reading this), I just wanna share my feelings out here. BUT NO! I'm not ashame with myself for having this kind of family, I'm proud of myself for being such a good girl, and also I wanna prove to everyone out there, girls that grown up in a broken family are not weak! We've been through so much more than the ones that had her best childhood and sufficient amount of love from the family. We are more independent, we are much much stronger.

My heart really want to continue typing but my mind is stopping me I dont know why.
Don't judge me, because you don't know about me and my family background.
I might be complicated but at the same time, I'm as simple as that.

I miss my dad, I miss my mom.
I love them more than anything else.

Thanks to those who really read this post, I appreciate it. Now you understand Adele Chow a little bit more I guess?


Amanda Janelle Quah said...

Hey Adele.. It was a touching blogpost and really I don't know what to say.. But as much as i don't know u, i believe u're a strong girl and you'll be able to handle it.. hope u're ok.. *hugs*

kim said...

cheers babe, bu yao emo. family is always the heaven when you are in the heartless world. besides that, you still got us, friends that love you always :D

Adele Chow said...

Amanda: hey there, thanks ya! thanks for your 1st comment (:

Kim: tq b5. i know you love me hehe.

jiayann said...

touching blog post. but del, i know u're doing pretty good now. at least u still have a bunch of lovely friends who care you much right? soo.. don't think too much and stay strong as how u are now~ =)

Adele Chow said...

Jia Yann: yeah thanks! when am I see ing you again?!! :(:(
Im always good just that sometimes Ill break down, so yeah.

Anonymous said...

well, i am in the exact same position of you right now. parents argue since young. but then nothing happens.

till now, they've seperated from each other. i want to help but i dont know. i see my father only once a week. and only 10 minutes.

well, what i want to say is, appreciate them. you cant make comment about their life, but you're their daughter. at least, you still see your dad. talk to him. im sure he loves you.

Anonymous said...

as much as we children are to said to be happy , parents deserve to be happy too . cheer up .

Adele Chow said...

1st anonymous: yeah very true. Its just sometimes you'll feel unhappy knowing that being his daughter but you cant do anything much to help your own family. Mhmm.

anonymous: Everyone deserves to be happy I know. Thanks yeah. I am okay (:

CWKen said...

Cheer up! I get how you feel. Especially the family photo part. Although it may sound impossible to have such family photo, but at least there are still chances to have one.

Me? Mine is definitely impossible. My dad passed away 4 years ago. The thought of snapping that family photo with my very own camera is just plain sad.

You're still young and a bright future awaits you. I'm sure you'll grow even stronger although you already are now =) Cheers!

Jesse Lau said...

well you turn out alright, look on the bright side, at least you still can see them rite? anywayz stay happy ya and be strong girl!! cheers

Adele Chow said...

CWken: Im sorry to hear that because I didnt know about that. Guess there are people that are more unfortunate than me. Yeah we are all strong people!! :D smiles!

Jesse Lau: Yeah, I don't wanna make myself looked like some sad kiddo always thats why that is how I present myself. Thanks anyway! :P

Anonymous said...

understand your feelings and the emotions you are going through. I grew up with dad too. And whenever I have the opportunity, I always remind parents time with their kids...before it's too late.

Adele Chow said...

anonymous: very true indeed. Like what Ive mentioned proviously, I guess every family had their own problems. take care & thanks ya.

weilim said...

a strong ,independence, caring, cheering girl that i knew in genting is a girl that never fail to put a big smile on everyone... yet, deep inside her...there's something need to be concern and we all miss out that part... that part of feeling deep inside her

i didnt know u got such a burden to carry since young...
u are amazing friend that i ever meet

Adele Chow said...

weilim: Thanks (: you are such a great friend too! Heheheh! :D I'll still make every laugh out loud w/o fail!