2015, THE year that truly transformed me, inside out.

It's the time of the year again.

To be specific, it's 12.56AM on a Monday night (Tuesday morning /dated 29th Dec) and here I am, typing this blogpost as I flashed back what happened the past 12 months.

We are entering year 2016 in just 3 days time and I've always have this habit to recap my year before I start listing down my New Years Resolution.  Was reading back on my year 2013 blogpost and 2014's, I'm just so glad I wrote these blogpost. 

My hands are shivering as I'm typing this post right now.

I've so much to write because this year, year 2015, SO much had happened and I can safely say, 

I've indeed transformed inside out.

So much has changed in me, so much has changed around me.. 

1. In year 2015, Popo left us.  After being with me for 24 years, she is now gone. 

But I thank God for peace in me as I know she's now in good hands :')

Popo leaving me, leaving us, leaving the world has definitely impacted me the MOST, this year, forever. 

I remember since young I always tell friends around me I'm VERY afraid of the day when I will lose my popo. 

I'm very afraid of the day where she will die. 

And yes, the day came and this has shaken me so much.  

I was scrolling back on my phone pictures, looking back at my notes, going through my Facebook/Instagram/Dayre, indeed almost half of my year 2015 was all about popo. 

1st May 2015- We found out Popo was sick.

May to October 2015 - This whole period was about me bringing popo to the hospital every two weeks, taking care of her all the time and I was so glad the timing was right because I left my previous job last June, which makes me having the flexibility to be able to stay beside with Popo most of the time. 

Throughout this period, I was stretched, I was in pain, vulnerable, my patience was tested, attitude was challenged.  I remembered I had to sacrifice most of my personal plans because I had to take care of popo, losing my motivation in work because all I can think of is popo, I remember sharing testimony every week about struggles I face and the emotions I had to go through while I see popo in so much pain as she gets weaker day by day. 

But I never regretted a single bit because I know everything was in God's plan and made perfect in His timing. 

Popo has taught me values that I will forever keep in my heart.

She is kind, helpful, loving, hardworking, always putting others before her, contented, grateful.

She has never complained throughout her difficult time, infact she tried her best not to disturb us and do things on her own until she lost the ability to do so because of her condition. 

Popo's love to me will be a reminder forever kept in my heart. 

No matter what I do in the future, I will remember to hold Popo's values close to my heart, always. :')

2. In year 2015, I finally pulled myself away from a relationship that wasn't meant for me. 

.. and I grew to be a better version of myself after stepping out :')

I've never written anything about this person.

But I thank you still for being there for me throughout the years and I wish you all the best in everything that you do in the future. :')

I finally have the courage to write this here now because I'm so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and did the right thing, for myself, for the both of us.

It was a terrible struggle to leave a person you're so comfortable with, which makes you get out of sight where you're supposed to head to.. and I just want to thank God for reminding me we are all made perfect in His eyes and we shall not settle for anything less. 

I'm glad I grew and I learned. 

In year 2015, I learned to love myself a little bit more and aspire to love like how Jesus loves. 

3.  In year 2015, I grew closer to my Family. 

Especially after Popo left us, dad's and brother's heart just got soften :')

I thank God for doing such great work in my family especially on the relationship between me and my dad.

I used to not dare to talk to my dad because he is really very fierce to me since young and after what happened all these years, we just never talked, never had a lot of body contact (eg: hugs) or so.  

But this year, dad's heart has been soften so much and we started to have a lot more real conversation and my love to him has just grown so much after getting to know him a lot more better this year. 

As for my mom and brother,  I'm happy that I finally have a chance to bring them to a mini getaway because 3 of us have never gone to any vacations together before!

And this short trip to Penang has brought us closer than before.  As my brother now stays alone with his friends, while mom has to work till late everyday so the chance of getting us together is not easy.

 My goal for 2016 is to bring them to at least ONE nice trip out of Malaysia, all expenses taken care by me! 

4. In year 2015, our Sisterhood and Cell Group just grew stronger and closer.

A community that journeys together grows together.  

I'm so thankful for this bunch of sisters and members in this journey of pursuing God's in our lives.

Responding to God's call and realizing our purpose in life is made so much better together with them! #D9CG

 5. In year 2015, I travelled to 5 countries and I'm very thankful for that.
Every places I go inspires me.

Jan 2015 - Bangkok and Bali

June - Australia

August - Singapore

October - Korea 

Every country I go, I come back with a story to tell. 

Thankful for the amazing experiences and reminder to myself. 

6. In year 2015, I experienced Hillsong Conference for the first time in Sydney. 
.. and I told myself, I must be able to attend more conferences all over the world, not just Hillsong, not just in Sydney.

Thanks Careen and Siewmin for being such an awesome babysitter(s)!

Not forgetting their awesome husbands too!

7. In year 2015, I ignite my love towards EDM after seeing Martin Garrix LIVE in KL. 

Yes my love towards Martin Garrix is ignited too, lol.

8.  In year 2015, I started up my own company. 

.. and I'm now one step closer to my dreams.

I've always wanted to do my own things and in year 2015, I took a bold step to quit my job around June but I was focusing on taking care of my Popo till just few months back.. 

Finally working on my goals and visions, as me, all of me.

9. In year 2015, I've been enlarged, mentally and spiritually as though another realms was unlocked in me.

My character was put into test, over and over again.  I'm still working on being a better person with more patience specifically. :P 

I learned how to recognize God's voice and experienced the fact that Holy Spirit is ALWAYS in me and will be with me in whatever I do.  This has gave me peace that I've NEVER experience before and I'm so thankful for that.  I've also learned how to see visions that God has impressed in my heart and the sense of being able to connect and communicate with my Father is simply amazing!

10. Lastly, in year 2015, I responded to my identity in Christ by realizing what really matters to me most now. 

I don't know if this make sense to you but it's like I finally know who am I and the purpose I have on this earth.  Priorities are clearer I no longer long for society acknowledgment or materials goods to affirm my status.  I grew wiser each day by knowing my true identity in Christ as I learned to focus on the heart because God sees nothing but the heart. 

I used to always categorized my life according to 3 things: Finances (Career), Relationships (Family and Friends) and Spiritual growth.  Nothing wrong with that but from this moment onwards, I want to place my plans upon God's hands and include God in everything I do and not just categorized Him in one category. 

Year 2015 is a year that has changed me inside out.  I'm thankful and grateful for EVERYTHING that happened and I know God was moulding me (still am) and preparing me for greater things ahead. x

In year 2016, its not about me, its about the community and about doing things that matters, doing things that will bring Heaven on Earth. 

Till then, 

xx